Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-11-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

There are number of nations where individuals are recently living longer than ever before.Some indiviulas argue that aging population creates issue for governments. While other think opposit, there are benefits if society has more elderly people. In my point of view, i think elderl people are more beneficial for society developments.

There are number of beneficial out come bringe by elderly. Fristly, Young people are physicale stronger than elderly people. To cites this like , old people are easly great tried because there body part lose strenght according to there age but young people got there full strenght. Moreover young poeple have so many oppotunites for building there life developing the society on the other hand elderly people have less oppotunites about that because many company or work place there want young people not elderly people.

In addition, there are some draw-back about young people . Those some worke need experince people that kind of work usally given to elderly people who had enroll those work rather than new worke who just started the work those are young people.It can also notice that young people are more active about there work and they never distracted from there worke.They also play iimporant role to mantain there society by giving advise to young people because young people often distracted from there aim .

In conclusion, considering those thing that every society need both elderly people and young people to develope.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You give a clear general view that older people can benefit society, and you mention relevant points such as their experience and advice to younger people. However, the response only partially answers the question of whether these advantages outweigh the disadvantages: it does not compare the two sides or explain the extent of your judgement. The opening discussion of young people’s physical strength and opportunities does not clearly establish disadvantages caused by an aging population, and the conclusion says both age groups are needed rather than weighing the advantages against the disadvantages. The response is also below the required 250 words; the nine words copied from the prompt are not counted. Develop relevant examples and explicitly explain why one side is stronger.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

Your response has an identifiable introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and linking expressions such as “Firstly,” “Moreover,” “In addition” and “In conclusion” help signal stages in the discussion. However, the progression between ideas is often unclear. For example, the first body paragraph focuses on young people’s strength and opportunities, then shifts to older people’s limited employment prospects without showing how this answers the question. The second body paragraph begins with “draw-back about young people” but then presents older people’s experience as an advantage, making the paragraph’s focus confusing. Some sentences run together, and references such as “those thing” are vague. Group each paragraph around one clear point and use links that show the relationship between claims.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “aging population,” “experience,” “society” and “maintain,” and you use some topic-related phrases such as “building their life” and “play important role.” However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations make ideas difficult to understand, including “beneficial out come bringe,” “great tried,” and “new worke.” Spelling errors are frequent, for example “indivuals,” “opposit,” “strenght” and “oppotunites,” and they reduce the clarity of the message. Aim for accurate, natural combinations such as “contribute to society” and “pass on their experience.” Proofread spelling and choose precise words rather than repeating broad terms such as “work” and “people.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, including a contrast introduced by “While” and a reason clause beginning “because.” The main ideas can generally be followed, but control is uneven: many sentences contain errors in articles, agreement, verb forms and sentence boundaries. For instance, “There are number of nations” needs an article, while “other think” does not agree with its subject. In “old people are easly great tried because there body part lose strenght,” the sentence structure and agreement make the meaning hard to follow. Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing spaces after full stops and commas separating incomplete or awkwardly joined clauses. Practise accurate basic sentence patterns first, then build longer sentences with clear subjects and verbs.

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