Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-08-11
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.
To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 5.0)
In numerous countries, individuals are currently living longer that then in the past. Several individuals believe that an aging population will create issues for government. Opponents argue that it is beneficial for a society to have more elderly individuals. How elderly individuals are good for society and increasing number of them can create problems this will be deliberated in this essay. In conclusion i will write my perspective.
To begin with, there is a growing ratio of elderly individuals in every country. Individuals are living longer because of the latest technology. In the modern world we have cure to almost every disease. Individuals are eating healthy food that was not available in the past these are few factors. Countries with most elderly individuals are Japan and South Korea. Governments of these countries are concerned about this
the reason to that is they are getting governments funds as retirement. Government was not expecting that individuals will live this long. Second the decreasing ratio of youngsters. Young generation is the future of its country. The birth ratio is diminishing because of elderly individuals.
On the other hand how a society is privileged to have senior citizen. As an individual grows his parents get old that is a law of nature. Societies are made in addition controlled by individuals with experience.
Experience is get by observations and time young such as Iran government structure is full of individuals
with a lot of knowledge and fascinating skills that he have acquire with the passage of time. Almost all of them are around the age of seventy to eighty.
As far as i am concerned older individuals are the need of a society.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response addresses the prompt but lacks a clear, consistent position. While you mention both sides, the essay fails to explicitly state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which is a requirement for a high score. The development of ideas is limited; for example, the point about Japan and South Korea is introduced but not fully explained in relation to the 'problems' mentioned. The conclusion is also underdeveloped, as it merely states you will write your perspective without actually summarizing your final stance. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your overall position is evident throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0
The essay is divided into paragraphs, but the logical flow is often disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear referencing. For instance, the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph is weak. Some sentences are fragmented, such as 'Government was not expecting that individuals will live this long,' which makes the progression of ideas difficult to follow. Cohesive devices are used sparingly and sometimes incorrectly, such as the misuse of 'On the other hand' to introduce the benefits. Improving the use of linking words like 'consequently,' 'furthermore,' or 'nevertheless' would help create a smoother, more logical argument.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary is generally basic and repetitive. You rely on simple phrases like 'individuals,' 'good,' and 'problems' throughout the text. There are also issues with word choice and collocation, such as 'Experience is get by observations' (should be 'gained through') and 'fascinating skills' (which is not the most appropriate adjective in this context). To reach a higher band, you should aim to use more precise academic vocabulary and collocations, such as 'demographic shift,' 'pension burden,' or 'intergenerational wisdom,' rather than relying on general terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede communication. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('Experience is get'), incorrect verb tenses, and awkward sentence structures ('How elderly individuals are good for society and increasing number of them can create problems this will be deliberated'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing commas and run-on sentences. The range of structures is limited, consisting mostly of simple sentences. To improve, focus on mastering complex sentence structures, such as using relative clauses or conditional sentences, and proofread carefully to correct basic subject-verb and tense errors.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.