Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-08-13
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.
To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 5.0)
In today's era people are living more as compared to before. However, the section of society deem that elderly are living much longer than ever before and this has a positive impact on earth, while other people believe that they creates mass pollution. This essay will discuss why pros are more than cons.
To start with, there are many reasons why adults are living more. The fist and foremost reason is that advancement in technology has made it possible to cure the illness of old people. To elaborate, nowadays people are getting better treatment because doctor can easily detect the disease by using artificial intelligent robot. Thus, doctor can easily provide suitable treatment and medication to elder by detecting their health by MRI or CT scan technology.
Another prominent reason, older generation also benefits the society by serving their knowledge at respective workplace as well as they can also influence to younger generation through their profound experiences. A good example of it is School where old teacher thoroughly explain each and every chapter properly and also teach valuable lesson to student.
Furthermore, those who says that aging population creates problem to government, as they have to give retirement pension to older generation. Although, higher authority also have other responsibility to invest on them. For example, education, healthcare, economic development. However, if government will invest more on adult than they will face economic crisis and also overcrowding will leads to environment problem.
To conclude, overpopulation of elder individual can create environmental as well as economic problem for government.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The essay addresses the prompt but struggles with clarity and logical consistency. While you state in the introduction that you will discuss why the pros outweigh the cons, the body paragraphs focus primarily on the reasons for longevity and the disadvantages of an aging population. The conclusion contradicts your initial thesis by stating that an aging population creates problems, rather than summarizing the advantages as promised. The ideas are present but remain under-developed, particularly the 'advantages' section, which is quite brief. To improve, ensure your body paragraphs directly support the position stated in your introduction and maintain that stance throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into paragraphs, which is a positive step. However, the logical progression is weak. The transition between the reasons for longevity and the discussion of disadvantages is abrupt. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'To start with' and 'Furthermore', but they are sometimes used mechanically or incorrectly (e.g., 'Although, higher authority...'). Referencing is occasionally unclear, making it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of your argument. Improving the use of linking words and ensuring each paragraph has a clear, singular focus would significantly enhance the coherence of your writing.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
Your vocabulary is generally adequate for basic communication but lacks the precision and range required for higher bands. There are several instances of awkward phrasing and word choice errors, such as 'living more' instead of 'living longer', and 'creates mass pollution' which is off-topic and confusing in this context. You attempt to use some topic-specific vocabulary like 'MRI' and 'CT scan', but these are not integrated smoothly into the argument. To reach a higher band, focus on learning collocations and using more sophisticated vocabulary to express complex ideas rather than relying on repetitive or imprecise language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede communication. Common issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'they creates', 'doctor can'), article usage (e.g., 'at School'), and sentence fragments or run-on sentences. Punctuation is also inconsistent. While the meaning is generally understandable, the frequency of these errors prevents the writing from reaching a higher band. Focus on proofreading for basic subject-verb agreement and ensuring that your complex sentences are constructed with correct subordinate clauses.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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