Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-08-20
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.
To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 6.0)
It has been observed that in many states, people are now living longer than ever before.Some claim that elderly population generates issues for the authorities.Ohers argue that these are merits of having more elderly people in the community.I presume that the precautionary action would surpass it's drawbacks to a major extent.My inclination is elaborated in the ensuring paragraph and relevant examples.
Examining the brighter side , the foremost one is aging population can teach our young generation effectively with their life experiences.The minors can get benefits from their elderly and learn stips and techniques to built their bright future.In particular, if someone wanted to become a better in any career he can discuss his views with their grandparents who are expertise in the particular field.To add to this, these are the ones to whom one can share their feelings and can easily console by them.For instance, I was talking to my grandparents about anxiety related to my marriage and they assist me about my visions clearly.
Furthermore the mentioned benefits, these old pupil are vital part of our community.Currently, most family leave their children with their grandparents and go to their jobs without worry.If they do not have such opportunity they have to pay extra in child care center.
On the contrary,I would not overlook the downsides.To begin with, elderly generation often get sick effortlessly and their offsprings need to go to hospital immediately no matter where they are.If they are at work they had to rush to look after their parent.It will definitely affect their jobs and fanicial conditions.
To conclude,there are both merits and demerits of having aging population . However I believe that the their skills, respect, availability is more advantages because without them we cannot image our life and they had positive impact on our children development.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 6.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 6.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 6.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0
The response addresses all parts of the prompt, providing both advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. You clearly state your position in the introduction, which is maintained throughout the essay. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the argument regarding childcare is relevant but could be expanded with more specific societal context. The conclusion is a bit repetitive and lacks a strong summary of the main points. To improve, ensure that each body paragraph provides a more thorough explanation of the 'why' and 'how' behind your claims, rather than relying on brief personal anecdotes.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas. You use some cohesive devices, such as 'Furthermore', 'On the contrary', and 'To conclude'. However, some transitions are mechanical or slightly awkward, such as 'Furthermore the mentioned benefits'. Additionally, there are issues with referencing and punctuation, such as missing spaces after periods and commas, which occasionally disrupts the flow of reading. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring consistent paragraph structure will help move your score higher.
Lexical Resource — Band 6.0
You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'merits', 'demerits', 'precautionary', and 'financial conditions'. However, there are several instances of word-choice errors and non-standard collocations, such as 'old pupil' (referring to elderly people), 'get sick effortlessly' (instead of 'frequently' or 'easily'), and 'image our life' (instead of 'imagine'). These errors do not impede communication, but they do highlight a need for more precise vocabulary usage and better awareness of word forms and collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While you attempt complex sentences, they often contain grammatical errors, such as 'if someone wanted to become a better in any career he can discuss' (tense inconsistency) and 'they had to rush' (incorrect tense for a general situation). There are also frequent punctuation errors, specifically missing spaces after punctuation marks, and some subject-verb agreement issues, such as 'these are the ones to whom one can share their feelings'. These errors are noticeable but do not prevent the reader from understanding your main points.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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