Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-09-03

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In the contemporary world, longevity has become a concern problems. There is a heated debate about whether an aging population can bring benefits or create problems. Some people thinks that the government pay lots of money to take care of senior people, while old people brings knowledge and experience to young people. In this essay, it will discuss the disadvantages of aging population.

Firstly, senior people experience events, then they gain more knowledge. For instance, my grandfather used to be a soldier who fought to protect our country. He has knowledge about war, which he used to teach young children. Obviously, the aging population can use their knowledge to help the younger generation understand past events.

However, if the aging population were increasing quickly, it would have some negatives on society. This is seen when the government pays lots of money to retirement homes to provide food and accommodations. As a result, taxes would increase, which would affect employees' lives and salaries. Besides, it could lead to an economic crisis and a financial burden.

In addition, the number of older people is increasing, which can lead to a lack of young employees. For example, in Japan, which has the highest older population in the world, the government may have to hire overseas employees. Consequently, it could lead to an economic crisis and a financial burden.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that senior people can help young people understand past events. However, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, as it could lead to a lack of young employees and cause a financial burden for the government.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the prompt and maintains a clear position throughout. The introduction sets the stage, and the body paragraphs provide relevant arguments for both sides, ultimately concluding that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the argument regarding the economic burden is repeated in both the third and fourth paragraphs, which limits the depth of the analysis. To achieve a higher band, you should aim to expand on your points with more varied evidence or deeper reasoning rather than repeating similar concepts.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. You use cohesive devices such as 'Firstly', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In addition' to guide the reader through your arguments. While the progression is generally clear, some transitions feel a bit mechanical. Additionally, the referencing is occasionally repetitive, such as the phrase 'economic crisis and a financial burden' appearing in two consecutive paragraphs. Improving the variety of your linking words and ensuring that each paragraph introduces a distinct, non-repetitive idea would enhance the flow and coherence of your writing.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'contemporary world', 'longevity', and 'undeniable'. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as 'longevity has become a concern problems' (grammatically incorrect) and 'senior people' (while understandable, 'the elderly' or 'older generations' is more natural in this context). The vocabulary is generally functional but lacks the precision and sophistication required for higher bands. To improve, focus on learning collocations and using more academic synonyms for common words.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent errors in grammar and punctuation. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('Some people thinks', 'old people brings') and awkward phrasing ('In this essay, it will discuss'). While these errors do not impede communication, they are persistent throughout the text. To reach a higher band, you need to focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that your sentence constructions are grammatically sound. Practicing complex sentence forms while maintaining accuracy will be key to your improvement.

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