Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-09-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Introduction

Nowadays in many countries age of people are increasing. In this regard a group of people believe that it is a huge problem however other group of them think it very beneficial to the society. Personally I think that it has a lot of advantages but we could only know the fact after discussing both perspectives.

Disadvantages

First point of view reflects that society is the name of division of labor. In particular scene elderly people are just utilizing the resources but in return are not adding in such assets. They consider it as a threat For instance a elder person that is not capable of doing work is just a burden on the funds of the society on the other hand a person who is capable of doing service has some input to the society. So, aging is taken as a threat to the community.

Advantages

Nevertheless if we analyze the picture in different dimension there would be something that elder people are adding to the civilization For example: they are responsible for the preservation of the values. Moreover they not only add values to the humanity but also are doing many tasks like in todays world both of parents have to do jobs to meet the necessaries of life. In this way children are home alone and neglected in many ways. But if grandparents are at home children would definitely have best company. They will not only take care of them but also would educate them.

Conclusion

We can conclude that elderly people are not a threat to the society but are advantageous in amny ways.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear personal position. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the argument regarding the 'division of labor' is conceptually interesting but lacks specific, real-world examples to support the claim that the elderly are a 'burden'. Similarly, the advantage regarding childcare is a valid point, but the explanation is quite brief. To reach a higher band, you should expand on your points with more detailed explanations or concrete examples, ensuring that the connection between your ideas and the prompt is fully explored.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical and occasionally inaccurate. For example, the transition 'In particular scene' is unnatural, and the phrase 'Nevertheless if we analyze the picture in different dimension' is clunky. Additionally, the conclusion is very brief and does not effectively summarize the main points discussed. Improving the variety and precision of your linking words and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence would significantly improve the flow of your writing.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision and variety required for higher bands. You rely on some repetitive or imprecise phrasing, such as 'a group of people' and 'a lot of advantages'. There are also some collocation errors, such as 'adding in such assets' and 'meet the necessaries of life'. While the meaning is generally clear, the range of vocabulary is limited, and there is little evidence of less common or idiomatic language. Expanding your range of synonyms and focusing on natural collocations will help you achieve a higher score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede the flow. Common issues include subject-verb agreement ('age of people are increasing'), article usage ('a elder person'), and awkward phrasing ('society is the name of division of labor'). While the meaning is usually understandable, the frequency of these errors prevents the essay from reaching a higher band. You should focus on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy, particularly with articles, plurals, and verb forms, to ensure your writing is more polished.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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