Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-10-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

In many states, individuals are now living more than ever before. Some persons believe an older population makes problems for governments. Other people argue there are advantages if community has more young public. In this essay I will discuss the advantages of young people and disadvantages of older people.

To begin, nowadays people are very concerned about the increasing of population. Some people believe that it is correct that older people makes problems for government because they think that older people cannot play important role in their society. Furthermore, older people after the age of sixty they cannot work in any field but they recieve every month their pensions and the government involve different types of crisiss. For example, in every society youngsters play important role becuase they work more and more and the government pay good money. This is the reason some individuals argue older people makes problem.

Secondly, some persons say that older people play critical role in every society. The older people educate new blood how they can work in society and how can easily live in society. Furthermore, older people take care their grand children because their parents go their owns work. For instance, if older people after retirements they work part time jobs when they free. Lastly, when people apply these rules in society then the result expected positive.

In my oipnion, it is wrong some people against the older people for example if older people cannot instruct the youngest persons then how society work.

Sum up, both type of people explain their argue and explain their personal aspect then the final result is older people is very necessary in any society.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

The response addresses the task only partially and misunderstands the prompt by swapping 'elderly' for 'young people' in the introduction. The position is not always clear throughout the essay. Ideas are generally limited and under-developed, relying on sweeping generalisations such as stating that older people 'cannot work in any field' after sixty. While the writer attempts to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, the arguments lack depth and proper support, leading to a repetitive and underdeveloped exploration of the topic. To improve, the writer must ensure they carefully read the prompt, maintain a consistent and clear stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and fully develop their main ideas with specific, relevant explanations and examples rather than superficial assertions.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

There is some organisation evident through the use of transition markers like 'To begin', 'Secondly', and 'In my oipnion', but there is no clear overall progression of ideas from paragraph to paragraph. Cohesive devices are sometimes inadequate, inaccurate, or repetitive, such as the frequent reliance on 'some people believe' and 'older people'. Paragraphing is attempted, but the conclusion is overly abrupt and fails to summarise the main points effectively. Referencing is also unclear at times, leaving the reader to guess the connections between sentences. To move to a higher level, the writer needs to ensure logical links between sentences are smooth and varied, and structure paragraphs so that each develops a single, distinct aspect of the argument with clear referencing.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The vocabulary range is limited but minimally adequate to convey basic points. There are noticeable errors in word choice and word form, such as 'makes problems' instead of 'creates problems', 'young public' instead of 'young people', and spelling mistakes like 'recieve' and 'oipnion'. The student relies heavily on basic, repetitive vocabulary throughout the response, showing little awareness of style or less common lexical items. To improve, the writer should expand their vocabulary related to demographics and society, pay closer attention to collocations and word forms (such as distinguishing between nouns and adjectives), and carefully check their spelling before finalising the essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The response demonstrates a very limited range of sentence structures, relying primarily on simple sentences and basic coordination. Attempts at complex sentences are frequently faulty, such as 'Furthermore, older people after the age of sixty they cannot work in any field but they recieve every month their pensions and the government involve different types of crisiss.' There are frequent grammatical errors involving subject-verb agreement ('older people makes'), missing articles, awkward prepositions, and pluralisation issues ('crisiss'). These errors can cause some difficulty and hesitation for the reader. To achieve a higher band, the writer must incorporate a wider variety of grammatical structures accurately, ensure correct verb tenses and agreements, and reduce the frequency of basic grammatical slips.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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