Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-10-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

I think there are more disadvantages of having an aging population then the advantages of them. Most of elder people think that they are always right and what they said is the thing should be done.They have no idea of changes in generations the world noe have changed a lot then their wolrld they think that everyone is kindhearted like them but this generation have no heart they just use people and throw away they just have their work and all. aging population can not do any of their work on their own and always need someone to help them they can not even cook or walk properly to go any where they always need a helper for everything. In this time where medical treatments are out of range of a middle class family the elders and aged people need a proper care and their medicals bills touches the skys and puts a disturbing pressure on their family. They only increase population and can not even contribute in the countrys economy becuse they can not do anything on their own. As their are many advantages of having a aged population but we can not forgot that they are the ones behide us they teaches us how to live in a society in a mannerable way.

In conclusion,I think that having a aged population will be bad for our economy and they can be burdon on their families but having none of them will also put us in trouble.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You state a clear overall view: “there are more disadvantages” than advantages, and you mention both the costs of care and older people’s role in teaching social values. However, the response develops the disadvantages much more than the advantages, and several claims—such as older people being unable to work or care for themselves—are broad and unsupported. The conclusion recognises that society would also face problems without older people, but does not explain how this affects your judgement about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The response is 248 words, so it does not meet the 250-word minimum; 33 words copied from the task prompt were not counted. Develop a relevant example and explain both sides more fully.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a recognisable overall structure: an opening position, a main discussion, and a conclusion. The reader can follow the central argument that an aging population may place pressure on families and the economy. However, most of the discussion is packed into one long paragraph, with several different points joined together, so the progression is difficult to follow. Connections between ideas are often abrupt, and phrases such as “As their are many advantages” introduce a contrast without clearly organising or explaining it. The conclusion repeats the position but adds little synthesis. Use separate paragraphs for the disadvantages, advantages, and conclusion, and connect each point with clear references and transitions.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “medical treatments,” “proper care,” “population,” and “economy,” which helps communicate your main concerns. However, the range is basic and repetitive, with frequent spelling and word-choice problems that make parts of the response harder to read. Examples include “medicals bills,” “burdon,” “behide,” and “mannerable”; phrases such as “increase population” and “their medicals bills touches the skys” are also imprecise or unnatural. Aim for accurate topic-specific expressions, such as “healthcare costs,” “place a financial burden on families,” and “contribute to the economy.” Proofreading spelling and collocations would make your ideas clearer and more appropriate for an academic essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt some longer sentences to explain causes and consequences, and the main position is generally understandable. However, sentence structures are limited and errors are frequent, sometimes making relationships between ideas unclear. For example, “Most of elder people think that they are always right” has article and plural problems, while “they teaches us” has subject–verb disagreement. The long sentence beginning “In this time where medical treatments…” contains several clauses without reliable punctuation, and “In conclusion,I think” also needs spacing after the comma. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then build longer sentences with clear clause boundaries. Check articles, agreement, verb forms, and punctuation during revision.

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