Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-10-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

In many countries, individuals are now living longer than ever before. A few people say an aging population creates odds for the governmentrs. Other citizens think there are advantages if society has more elderly individuals. Personally, I think the advantages of having are elderly people is outweigh then disadvanrages. In this essay I will explain everthing and discribe some exaples from my own experience. On one hand, many people believe that having an old generation is bad for the governments or young generation too. I think they said that because they faced lots of problems about jobs and other useful consiquences. Moreover, these days, everyone has to face odds while finding jobs because the old employers are might still doing that work. For example, different componies hired employers when they started their componies and that staff still doing their jobs. In this way, the youngsters has to lots of strugle while finding jobs in that componies. Honestly, I'm also facing that problem because of elderly people. Componie has don't enough space to give us a chance to prove our self. Therefore, it's not the only probem people are facing, they also have to face lots of other problems such as, finding space in the hospitals for treatments, and conjuction of trafic. On the other hand. some other individuals are still supporting an elderly people. I beleive every has different mind sets. However, people don't want to loose their loved once, but they want their rights of living. I think are parents and grandparents are very important or crucial of us because they support us in every situation and give useful advices. For instance, I remember, once I asked my parents to support me and they didn't even hesitate once. In conclusion, I believe an elderly people are very crucial for us. The advantages of them is higher then disadvantages.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You give a clear overall view in the introduction and conclusion: you believe the advantages of older people outweigh the disadvantages. You also mention relevant disadvantages, including competition for jobs and pressure on hospitals and traffic, and benefits such as family support and advice. However, the task asks you to weigh the two sides, and that comparison is only briefly stated; the benefits are mainly personal rather than explained as wider social advantages. The jobs point is also unclear because it focuses on older employees keeping positions without showing how this applies generally. Develop each main idea with a specific explanation or example, and make the reasons for your final judgement explicit.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has an introduction, a paragraph presenting disadvantages, a paragraph presenting advantages, and a conclusion, so the reader can identify the broad structure. You also use signposts such as “On one hand,” “Moreover,” and “In conclusion.” However, progression within paragraphs is uneven: the discussion moves from jobs to hospitals and traffic without explaining their connection, while the advantages paragraph shifts from differing mindsets to family support. Some linking is mechanical or inaccurate, including “On the other hand. some other individuals,” and references such as “they” and “that problem” are not always clear. Organise each paragraph around one central claim and connect each example directly to it.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some task-relevant vocabulary, including “aging population,” “elderly,” “hospitals,” and “advantages” and “disadvantages,” which makes the general topic understandable. However, the range is limited and several spelling and word-choice errors make parts difficult to follow: “odds” appears to mean problems, “conjuction of trafic” is unclear, and “crucial of us” is not a natural expression. There are also repeated basic terms such as “people,” “problems,” and “jobs,” alongside misspellings such as “componies” and “disvanrages.” Build a more accurate set of topic phrases and check spelling; choose words for their precise meaning rather than repeating broad terms.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, using clauses introduced by “because,” “while,” and “that,” as in “I think they said that because…” This shows an effort to express reasons and examples. However, errors in sentence construction, agreement, verb forms, and articles are frequent and sometimes make meaning difficult to interpret. Examples include “the youngsters has to lots of struggle,” “the old employers are might still doing,” and “Componie has don't enough space.” The opening sentence also contains a faulty comparison structure: “the advantages … is outweigh then disadvantages.” Practise forming complete clauses with a clear subject and correctly conjugated verb, then check agreement and articles. More accurate control of these patterns would make your ideas easier to understand.

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