Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-10-31

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.0)

In many regions, older people are longer than ever before, people belive that many oldery person creates different problem for government, while other argue that there are more benefit for society has more elderly individuals. I believe its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, the benefit of having more eldery people in society are substantial. In addition, eldery people play a crucial role in family life, often caring for grandchildren, which allows parents to work full-time. Moreover, older people can take a good advice of young generation because they have more experience. Furthermore, older people knowledge from the past so children can ask help before making important discission.

On the other hand, a larger eldery population creates pressure on public services. Meanwhile, government must spend more on healthcare and pensions. For example, in countries like Japan, healthcare cost has increased sharply. As a result, it may be difficult to shortage of workers. Therefore, when a large proportion of the population retires, some young people are able to enter the workplace, which can reduce economy productivity and tax revenue.

To sum up, although, an aging population creates a financial burden on govermants in term of healthcare and pensions. `

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You state a clear overall view—“I believe its benefits outweigh the drawbacks”—and present relevant points on both sides, including family support and pressure on healthcare and pensions. However, the response only partly fulfils the task: the benefits are not weighed against the disadvantages in a developed way, and several claims are unclear or unsupported. For example, “older people can take a good advice of young generation” does not clearly explain a benefit, while the point about workers and productivity is difficult to follow. The conclusion mentions only the financial burden and does not restate why the advantages outweigh it. The response is also 50 words below the required minimum, limiting the space available to explain and support your ideas. Develop each main point with a clear explanation or example and finish with a direct comparison of the two sides.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a concluding attempt. Linking expressions such as “On the one hand,” “Moreover,” and “As a result” help signal relationships between points. However, progression within paragraphs is uneven, and some links do not make the logic clear. For instance, “As a result, it may be difficult to shortage of workers” does not show how the preceding healthcare costs lead to a worker shortage. The final paragraph begins with “To sum up” but ends abruptly and does not complete the comparison promised by the essay. Use fewer connectors where the relationship is unclear, explain how each idea follows from the previous one, and ensure the conclusion forms a complete final statement.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use some relevant topic vocabulary, including “public services,” “healthcare,” “pensions,” “full-time,” and “tax revenue,” which helps communicate the subject. There are also attempts at more specific phrasing, such as “play a crucial role” and “financial burden.” However, inaccurate word forms, spelling, and collocations are noticeable and sometimes make ideas difficult to understand: examples include “oldery,” “a good advice,” “take a good advice,” and “difficult to shortage of workers.” Repetition of “older people” and “elderly” also limits variety. Build accuracy by learning common word partnerships and checking spelling and countability; for example, use “offer advice,” “an ageing population,” and “a shortage of workers.” More precise vocabulary would make your arguments clearer without requiring unnecessarily complex words.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt a mixture of simple and more complex sentence forms, including a relative clause in “older people, often caring for grandchildren, which allows parents to work full-time” and a conditional-style point about retirement and workplace entry. However, control is inconsistent, and several sentence structures are faulty or incomplete. “In many regions, older people are longer than ever before” lacks a clear grammatical construction, while “it may be difficult to shortage of workers” is not a complete, accurate pattern. There are also errors in agreement and articles, as in “the benefit … are substantial” and “a good advice.” The conclusion’s opening “although” clause is left unfinished. Practise complete clause structures, subject–verb agreement, and article use, then proofread each sentence to ensure it has a clear main clause.

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