Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 18 · 2026-11-03

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In this essay we discuss about most of the people want to live a long time on the world and want to enjoy his life for a long time. Some people says it creates many problems for government and the population increased and opportiunity of the jobs decrease. Other people think that its opportiunity to learn many things in the society from the elder people.

On the one hand, in many countries people are now lving longer than ever before I think its advantages for the society because the elder gives the advise to the younger if the younger are included in any problems so, the elder people gives the solution of this problem. The elder people guide the children of our society on the right way. Some people says an aging creates the problems for governments in many countries and every people want to live long time on the world enjoy his life for the long time.

On the other hand, in many countries these people spend a long time on the world they create problems for government. The population increase in the country so, young boys faced many difficult time such as jobs opporiunity in this country. In many countries people face opportiunity of jobs and face difficult situation in his life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You address both sides of the topic: older people can advise younger generations, while a larger population may make jobs harder to find. However, the response only minimally answers the key question of how far the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Your position is not stated clearly, and the ideas are repeated rather than explained or supported with a specific example. For instance, the claim that elders “give the solution” is relevant, but you do not show how this benefits society more broadly. The response also does not meet the required minimum length, which limits the opportunity to develop your argument. State your view directly, explain each main point, and include a relevant example before concluding which side is stronger.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a basic organisational structure, with an introduction followed by “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” paragraphs. These signposts help readers recognise that you are presenting two perspectives. However, there is no clear overall progression towards a judgement, and several ideas are repeated, such as the claim that people want to live longer and that population growth creates job difficulties. Some links are also awkward or unclear; for example, the first body paragraph shifts from advice to children to problems for governments without explaining the connection. Develop one main idea at a time, use clear references, and add a concluding paragraph that brings the comparison together.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some relevant topic vocabulary, including “aging population,” “government,” “elder people,” and “jobs,” so the reader can identify the subject of your argument. However, the range is limited and several words or phrases are repeated, particularly “people,” “long time,” and “problems.” Spelling errors such as “opportiunity” and “lving” also make the writing less clear. Some expressions are not natural in this context, including “spend a long time on the world” and “the elder gives the advise.” Build a wider set of accurate phrases for discussing ageing, employment, and public services, and check spelling and collocations when editing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple sentences and longer clauses, and the use of “because” and “if” shows some effort to connect ideas grammatically. However, the range is limited, and errors occur frequently enough to make parts of the response difficult to follow. For example, “Some people says” has incorrect subject–verb agreement, while “the elder people gives” repeats this problem. Articles, plurals, and sentence boundaries also need attention: “an aging creates the problems” is not formed correctly, and the opening paragraph contains several ideas joined without clear punctuation. Practise accurate subject–verb agreement and build longer sentences from one main clause plus a clearly controlled supporting clause.

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