Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-30

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

It is often argued that parents should encourage their children to take paticipate in group activities for their spair time. In the leadership of elder person group activities are very important and valueable. It is more effected rether then single . Other people argued that iy is essential for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. In this essey i will discuss both , This is because both are effected on their personality. Firstly i am giving an example of those children whose parents encourage to take part group activities in spair time. Their are different kinds of group activities , and every person have different skill, some are very confedent and some are very shy they are just watching and nothing to do. But when group organised an activity and assign to participate , he or she try to learn how he manage . They want to doing some thing and learn with their friends and fellows.

Further more,he accept the challenges and tryed to do the best. But on the otherhand who had spair time to occupy themselves on their own . He try to find other activities in on behalf of net or with tha guidence of their parents . Some time it should get good result , which children are more acctive in every field. eiyher in study and any sports in leasure activity. It is about circumstases related their work .

To sum up with this i discuss the both are effected group activities or single intrest. But in the supervision of a good leadership , otherwise children are quarrel with one an other , but they learn to take organised group discussion or playing or any activity . They learn togather by having competation .

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You address both views by discussing organised activities and children occupying themselves independently, and you indicate that both can affect personality. However, the discussion remains minimal and your own opinion is not clearly established: the conclusion says both approaches are effective but then focuses mainly on supervised group activities. The examples about shy children learning from peers and children finding activities online are relevant, but their benefits are not explained in enough detail to support a clear argument. Some points, such as children being active in study or sport, are difficult to connect to the question. To strengthen the response, state your preference directly and develop each view with a specific reason and a clear example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has an introduction, two sections that broadly discuss the different views, and a concluding paragraph, so the reader can identify the intended structure. However, progression within paragraphs is weak: ideas often appear as short, loosely connected statements, and the conclusion does not clearly resolve the comparison. Connectors such as “Firstly,” “Further more,” and “To sum up” signal stages, but some are used mechanically or do not clarify the relationship between ideas. References such as “he,” “they,” and “this” are sometimes unclear because the people or ideas they refer to shift. Organise each body paragraph around one main view, then explain its benefit and example before moving to the other view.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “group activities,” “challenges,” “leadership,” and “competition,” and you attempt to express ideas about confidence and learning from peers. However, the range is basic and several spelling and word-choice errors make parts difficult to understand, for example “paticipate,” “spair time,” “confedent,” and “effected.” Some combinations are also unnatural, such as “in the leadership of elder person” and “occupy themselves on their own.” Choose accurate, natural phrases and check spelling carefully; this will help your meaning come through without the reader having to interpret it. Repeating “group activities” and “children” can also be reduced with precise alternatives such as “team-based pursuits” and “young people.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, including clauses beginning with “when” and “which,” but control is limited and errors frequently affect clarity. Examples include “every person have different skill,” “he accept the challenges,” and “they are quarrel,” where subject–verb agreement or verb forms are incorrect. Sentence boundaries and punctuation are also unreliable: the opening paragraph contains several fragments or run-on ideas, and “In this essey i will discuss both ,” is not correctly punctuated. Pronouns shift between singular “he” and plural “they,” making references harder to follow. Practise building accurate subject–verb sentences first, then add subordinate clauses, checking agreement, tense, articles, and punctuation in each sentence.

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