Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-09-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It has been observed that, in the concurrent time, shopping has become the essential part of this modern era. Where many individuals prefer to do shopping from well-known and huge shops or malls over the local shops. As a result, local shops have closed. I believe this is a negative development of the country. My position will be elaborated in the ensuing paragraphs with the relevant examples.

To begin with, people always choose to shopping from an enlarged malls and shops. Consequently, local shoppers have to bear the a huge financial drawbacks. Moreover, they are loosing the bread of their house. Many individuals become an unemployed by loosing job after closing the local shops. Moreover, many small business which actually provide the good quality in less price are becoming less due to this negative development specially in urban areas. For instance, in my local area there were so many good shops of clothes have closed because their market has been overtaken by malls and big shops.

To add up further, it is not necessary that you can only have good quality in a huge malls and city center. In contrast, you can get the best quality and material at a local shop too. It has become the poor mentality of many people that they can only get good stuff from malls. As a result, people waste their money in these kinds of illustration. However, unemployment in the country is raising widely. Hence, people become the financially poor. For instance, people often engage in unusual or even illegal activities, such as theft, in search of money.

In the conclusion, many local shops have closed because people prefer to do shopping from malls and city center. In my perspective, it is the negative development of the respective people as well as country.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses the prompt by taking a clear position that the closure of local shops is a negative development. The ideas are relevant, focusing on unemployment and the loss of local businesses. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the link between the closure of shops and an increase in illegal activities like theft is a significant leap that lacks sufficient logical support or explanation. While the position is consistent, the arguments could be more nuanced to reach a higher band, as they currently rely on generalisations rather than deep analysis of the economic or social impacts.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, each with a clear focus. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'To begin with', 'Moreover', and 'In contrast', which help guide the reader. However, some transitions feel mechanical or slightly awkward, such as 'To add up further' or 'In the conclusion'. Additionally, the referencing is occasionally unclear, and the flow between sentences within paragraphs could be smoother. The paragraphing is appropriate, but the overall progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by repetitive phrasing and slightly disjointed sentence structures.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks precision and variety. There are several instances of awkward word choices or non-standard collocations, such as 'concurrent time' instead of 'current times', 'loosing the bread of their house' (an incorrect idiom), and 'waste their money in these kinds of illustration'. The range is sufficient to convey the message, but the student struggles with more sophisticated vocabulary, often resulting in errors that slightly impede the natural flow of the text. More precise terminology related to economics or retail would improve the score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors throughout. Common issues include subject-verb agreement ('unemployment... is raising'), article usage ('the a huge financial drawbacks'), and word form errors ('loosing' instead of 'losing'). While the meaning is generally clear, these persistent errors in basic grammar and punctuation prevent the essay from reaching a higher band. The student attempts complex structures, but these are often where the most significant errors occur, indicating a need for more consistent control over sentence construction.

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