Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-15

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In this contemporary epoch, the rise of mall around the society had a devastating effect on small and local business. Some people emphasis that the malls are bringing growth and helping in upliftment of our society and living status, where I strongly affirm, that this rise in big shopping center has a very harsh effect on our business and leads to struggle in their career. This essay will elucidate the reasons for my viewpoints related to this topic.

Beginning with former view, Sales are considered as the main source of income for any business to grow and survive in the market. Due to the rise in the big shopping center around the society has lead to decrease in the sales for smaller business and because of this reason, it is becoming hard for them to survive in this harsh competition and earn their to earn their survival working capital. For instance, In America, people prefer to go to the shopping center like Walmart and No frills to get their daily stuff, because of which the business of convenience store is decreased by 63%. Furthermore, dying of smaller business is not only affecting the economy but also creating the risk of higher unemployment in the society.

Moreover, It is not only the business is suffering from the but also the ordinary person is affecting because of this. The individual is paying premium price in the big malls for same product what they have got in reasonable price from the local business. Additionally, the same person has to pay extra money for fuel and transport to got the mall for getting a smaller thing and after entering their they have to wait for long line to get their bill done. For exemplify, as per the recent research the shopping center are design to attract their customers to spend more on their product so that can earn more money and also they create the big lines so that by the time person arrive to billing counter they get some more thing to their cart. Therefore, the big mall are also reason for the rise in the consumption of the product in the society and also some their attractive deals lead the customer to buy the thing they don't need in reality.

In the Conclusion, the impact big shopping mall on the local business and society is complex and multifaced. The government should acknowledge the requirement of the local business in the economy and should take required measure to save them from extinction.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.0

Your position is clear: you regard the growth of malls as a negative development, and you address effects on both small businesses and consumers. The first body paragraph explains reduced sales, business closures and possible unemployment, while the second adds higher prices, travel costs and impulse buying. The Walmart example helps make the discussion concrete. These relevant points are extended with reasons and examples, although some claims—such as the reported 63% decline and the assertion that malls deliberately create long queues—are broad or insufficiently explained. The conclusion also shifts towards recommending government action rather than briefly consolidating your main reasons. Develop the evidence and connect each example more explicitly to your overall judgement.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, with each body paragraph focusing on a related set of effects. Linking expressions such as “Furthermore,” “Moreover” and “Therefore” help signal progression. However, some connections are mechanical or unclear. “Beginning with former view” does not clearly identify the view being discussed, and “Moreover, It is not only the business is suffering from the but also…” makes the relationship between ideas difficult to follow. The second body paragraph also moves from prices and transport to queues and consumer behaviour without clearly grouping or sequencing these points. Use clearer topic sentences, organise each paragraph around one main effect, and make references such as “this” or “they” unambiguous.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You attempt a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “working capital,” “unemployment,” “premium price,” “consumption” and “extinction.” This shows an effort to discuss economic and social consequences beyond basic terms. However, inaccurate word forms, collocations and spelling are noticeable and sometimes make the meaning less natural: “emphasis” is used where a verb is needed, “upliftment” is awkward in this context, and “multifaced” is misspelled. Phrases such as “earn their survival working capital” and “for exemplify” are also difficult to interpret. Aim for precise, natural combinations rather than elevated wording for its own sake. Proofread spelling and choose familiar expressions such as “generate enough income to remain viable” when they communicate your point more clearly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and complex sentences, including cause-and-effect structures and clauses introduced by “because” and “so that.” This gives the response some variety, but control is inconsistent, particularly in longer sentences. For example, “Due to the rise … has lead to decrease” combines an incomplete “due to” construction with a faulty verb pattern; “the individual is paying … for same product what they have got” also has problems with articles and clause structure. Agreement and sentence construction are unclear in “the shopping center are design” and “it is not only the business is suffering.” These errors sometimes make the reader work to understand the point. Practise building accurate complex sentences, checking subject–verb agreement, articles and verb forms, and punctuating long sentences so their clauses remain clear.

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