Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-22

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Over the past few years, there has been growing trend of small businesses shut down, as consumers prefer to go large shopping malls. In my perspective, it is a negative development because it threatens the survival of local businessman and increasing an unemployment opportunities.

First of all, This trend would led the small-scale shops bankrupt because they can not able to compete with large enterprises. If people go to large shops , it would be very hard for them to cover the expenses like rent, electricity. As a result, neighbourhood shops forces to close permanently. For example, Small clothing shop can not provide a discount and wide range of variety as they have not that much sale and connections.

Secondly, another important concern is rise in unemployment. most of the people working in small shops because that do not have much qualification. Therefore, they lose their job and it is very difficult to find a new job especially for older people . This can led to finacial problems for their families.For example, if small retailers close their business, many cashier and assitants lose their job.

Last but not the least, Large shopping firms may harm the enviroment. Most of the shopping malls are far from local houses so people use their vehicle to go for shopping which can led traffice congestion, air pollution and noise pollution . It is not only harm the environment but also create a problems for people's health.

In conclusion, although large scale business provide a wide range of variety and discounts, I believe that it effect the neighbourhood shops because of it increase the unemployment and weak the local communities.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear from the introduction: you consider the closure of local shops a negative development, and the conclusion restates this view. You address the question with relevant reasons, including pressure on small businesses, job losses, and environmental effects, and the clothing-shop and retail-worker examples help make the points concrete. This meets the task well overall. However, the first two arguments are more fully explained than the environmental point, which is asserted rather than supported with a specific example or explanation of its wider impact. Some claims, such as that mall travel necessarily increases pollution, would also benefit from qualification. Develop each reason to a similar depth and connect the examples more explicitly to your overall judgement.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 7.0

The essay has a clear overall progression: an introduction states your view, three body paragraphs present separate reasons, and a conclusion returns to the main position. Sequencing phrases such as “First of all,” “Secondly,” and “In conclusion” make the structure easy to follow, while examples are placed alongside the relevant arguments. To make the organisation more polished, avoid relying so heavily on formulaic transitions: “Last but not the least” is awkward, and “Secondly, another important concern” combines two signals unnecessarily. Some links between claims could also be clearer—for instance, explain how the environmental effects reinforce your argument about local shops. Use a wider range of natural referencing and linking expressions, and ensure each paragraph develops one connected line of reasoning.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use relevant topic vocabulary, including “small-scale shops,” “large enterprises,” “unemployment,” “air pollution,” and “local communities,” so the reader can understand the main ideas. There are also attempts at more specific phrasing, such as “cover the expenses” and “wide range of variety.” However, several word-choice, collocation, word-form, and spelling problems reduce precision: “go to large shopping malls,” “unemployment opportunities,” “finacial,” “assitants,” and “weak the local communities” are not natural or accurate in context. Some expressions are repetitive, particularly references to shops and large businesses. Build a more reliable range of collocations for business closures, employment, and environmental impacts, and proofread spelling and word forms so your meaning is consistently clear.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and complex sentence forms, including cause-and-effect structures with “because,” “as,” and “therefore,” and most of the argument remains understandable. However, control is inconsistent, especially in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence construction. Examples include “there has been growing trend,” “This trend would led,” “shops forces to close,” and “it effect the neighbourhood shops.” Some sentences also contain faulty structures, as in “they can not able to compete,” while punctuation and capitalisation are uneven. These errors sometimes make the reader pause to interpret the intended meaning. Practise accurate subject–verb agreement and verb patterns, then check each sentence for a complete, correctly formed clause. Aim to retain complex sentences while making their grammar more reliable.

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