Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-23

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowadays, many small shops have closed because many customers travel to huge shopping or malls to do their shopping. In my opinion, This is highly harmful of local shops and malls. This essay will discuss negative and positive both side. I am favour formal latter notion.

Firstly, Small shops makes cheaper price clothes it is positive development. local shops offer inexpensive products like clothes sutes csusal t-shirts. One of the clear example is, shops manager or supervisor offers products to look people economically situation. Therefore, many people went to go buying clothes local shops to buy inexpensive and good quality products.

Secondly, I would like to about suggest negative things in our country . some individuals go to large shopping or malls .Large malls provide high price of clothes. It is harmful of government local businesses shops and employment opportunities. Since as, The main reason is that first large malls or shops manager to invite people inform i provide clothes convenient so, than people go their shops one day purchase clothes it's really priceless after that, next day go to buying clothes then manager makes clothes higher. It harmful our government local businesses employment opportunities but they are obtain profit after trick people.

In concluding, Small shops get lowest prices our customers and get offer local people to join job to the shops. small shops protect government and environmental pollution especially it can provide inexpensive clothes and good quantities products. But in other side large shopping or malls to trick people so, people can go large shops to purchase clothes because large shops provide high-quality products.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You give a clear overall preference for the negative view in the opening, and you include relevant points about affordable goods, local businesses, and employment. However, the position is not maintained consistently: the first body paragraph calls the development positive, while the conclusion praises small shops but also says people choose malls for their high-quality products. The main negative argument—that malls may attract customers and harm local businesses—is relevant, but the explanation about managers raising prices after “trick[ing] people” is unclear and not convincingly supported. To strengthen the response, state one consistent position and develop two relevant reasons with clear explanations or a specific example of how shop closures affect a community.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so there is an attempt to organise the discussion. “Firstly,” “Secondly,” and “In concluding” signal stages, but the progression is difficult to follow because the first paragraph supports the positive side and the next shifts to the negative without clearly explaining the relationship. Several sentences also connect ideas inaccurately or mechanically, such as “Since as” and “so, than people go their shops.” The conclusion introduces further claims rather than clearly summarising the argument. Use one main idea per paragraph, connect each explanation logically, and use linking expressions only where their meaning fits. Clearer references to “local shops” and “malls” would also help readers track the comparison.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “inexpensive products,” “employment opportunities,” and “environmental pollution.” However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations make the meaning difficult to understand. For example, “harmful of local shops,” “shops manager,” and “large shopping or malls” are not natural expressions, while “priceless” appears to mean something different from the intended idea. Spelling and word-form errors such as “sutes” and “csusal” also reduce clarity. Build a more accurate set of topic phrases and check collocations: for instance, say that malls “undercut local businesses” or that shops “offer affordable clothing.” Aim for precise, natural wording rather than repeating “shops” and “clothes.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences with reasons, including a sentence beginning “Since…” and one using “because.” However, the range is limited, and errors are frequent enough to make several ideas hard to follow. Examples include “Small shops makes,” where the subject and verb do not agree, and “This is highly harmful of local shops,” where the sentence pattern is faulty. The long sentence beginning “The main reason is that first…” contains several clauses without clear grammatical control. Capitalisation and punctuation are also inconsistent, as in “In my opinion, This” and the spacing around full stops. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then add one clearly formed subordinate clause at a time.

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