Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-26

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

To target a larger number of people, many owners of small shops have closed their shops because of individuals increasing preferences to larger shopping centers for their shopping. I think that it is a negative development because of financial burden build on people running small stores and issue of overcrowding in larger center. This essay will discuss reasons why it is not a good development in the following paragraphs.

It is a bad development to shopping only from big shopping malls because it yields in increasing financial burden on citizens running the small shops for earning. Moreover, when people are not prefer to purchase things from their small local stores then it makes them unable to fulfill the needs of their children. For example, in many countryside areas, villagers usually going to supermarkets for their grocery because they think that good quality products are only available in bigger markets.

Another significant reason is that problem of overcrowding develops in large trade center because, a greater proportion of people have travelled to shopping. Furthermore, more and more people travel towards large shops generates the issue of traffic congestion in that particular area. As a consequence, there is a great chance of accidents due to heavy traffic. For instance, in many developed countries, human are facing difficulties on road while travelling towards their destination and losing lives because of accidents.

In conclusion, although it is a good thing to make large supermarket but it results in many hardship for small traders in terms of financial crisis and for public related to busy roads. Thus, I believe that, people should not make discrimination in between small and large stores and for their basic necessities they should also prefer to buy thing from their local small shop.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear from the introduction: you consider the shift to large shopping centres negative, and the conclusion restates this view. You give two relevant reasons—financial pressure on small traders and congestion around larger centres—and include examples to support them. This covers the task, but the development is uneven. The claim that local shops’ decline prevents owners from meeting their children’s needs is not fully explained, and the countryside example focuses more on shoppers’ beliefs about product quality than on the consequences of shop closures. To strengthen the response, explain the effects more directly and develop each example so it clearly supports your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting separate reasons, and a conclusion. Signposting such as “Moreover,” “Furthermore,” and “As a consequence” helps readers follow the progression. However, some links feel mechanical or do not show the relationship between ideas precisely. For example, the move from small shops losing customers to owners being unable to meet their children’s needs needs an explicit explanation. The examples also do not always connect clearly to the paragraph’s main claim. Use referencing and transitions more selectively, and make the link between each reason, its explanation, and its example explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of topic-related vocabulary, including “financial burden,” “overcrowding,” “traffic congestion,” and “basic necessities.” These choices make your main points understandable, and you attempt some less common expressions. However, several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, such as “yields in increasing financial burden,” “large trade center,” and “make discrimination in between small and large stores.” Repetition of “large,” “small shops,” and “people” also limits flexibility. Aim for more natural combinations and precise terms—for example, describe small businesses as facing financial pressure, and refer to shopping centres or retail centres consistently. These improvements would make your argument sound more fluent and exact.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and complex sentence forms, including clauses introduced by “because,” “when,” and “although,” and your meaning is generally understandable. However, errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence construction remain noticeable. Examples include “people are not prefer,” “villagers usually going,” and “more and more people travel … generates”; these need forms such as “do not prefer,” “usually go,” and “the fact that more people travel … generates.” There are also punctuation problems, such as the comma after “because” in “because, a greater proportion.” Practise checking subject–verb agreement and verb forms, then proofread articles and punctuation while retaining your attempts at complex sentences.

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