Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-28

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In the past years, the development of supermarkets has shut many doors on local businesses as more people prefer malls for their shopping. In my opinion this is negative development as it impacts on the society with less employement oppurtunities, monopoly by big organization and distancing relationship among people in community.

Nowadays, every city has supermarkets like Costco, Walmart , No frills where most people go for buying their grocery needs. This had closed many local stores thereby less jobs to the community. Moreover, malls give full experience where an individual can go with their family for shopping, entertainment and dinner which made local shops obsolete over time. For example, in a family of four wife wants to shop,children want to play game that is only possible at mall as it includes everything at one place to enjoy their leisure time which removes need to go local shopping at small vendor.

In addition, this created monopolistic market as only big merchandise stores are competing amongst other without small vendor who were offering compelling prices for the clothes. Thus, the competition is necessary for the consumerism to get an item at reasonable price. To illustrate, if one wants to buy dry fruit now they have to pay higher price as supermarket sell imported goods which pass high prices to consumer to pay if local vendor can fulfill they might able to grab at fair price.

Overall, the development is nice for the society but it had lead to decline of new small businesses which creates community bearing more inflation and less jobs at the end for their daily living.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

Your position is clear: you regard the closure of local shops as negative, and you give relevant reasons, including reduced employment and weaker competition. The examples about family visits to malls and the price of dried fruit help connect the argument to everyday experience. However, the final paragraph says the development is “nice for the society,” which conflicts with your stated view and leaves your conclusion unclear. Some points also need fuller explanation: the claim that local shops strengthen community relationships appears in the introduction but is not developed, while the mall example focuses more on convenience than on why local closures are harmful. Keep your position consistent and extend each main reason with a clearer consequence or example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion. Ideas generally progress from employment and convenience to competition and prices, and signposts such as “Moreover,” “In addition” and “To illustrate” help show relationships between points. At times, however, the links feel mechanical or the references are unclear. For example, “This had closed many local stores” does not clearly identify what “this” refers to, and the final paragraph’s positive wording disrupts the overall line of argument. The first body paragraph also combines job losses with the appeal of malls without clearly separating the cause and consequence. Use more precise referencing and make each paragraph’s central point explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a reasonable range of topic-related vocabulary, including “monopolistic market,” “competition,” “consumerism” and “obsolete,” and the reader can understand your main ideas. There are also several inaccurate or unnatural choices that limit precision, such as “shut many doors on local businesses,” “full experience,” “compelling prices” and “community bearing more inflation.” Spelling errors such as “employement” and “oppurtunities” also affect the impression of control. Aim for natural collocations and accurate word forms: for instance, describe shops as “forced to close,” malls as offering a “wide range of amenities,” and communities as facing “higher prices” or “rising living costs.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and complex sentence forms, including a reason clause in “as more people prefer malls” and a conditional structure in “if local vendor can fulfill.” Most of the argument remains understandable, but some grammatical errors recur. Examples include the missing article in “this is negative development,” the tense mismatch in “This had closed many local stores,” and the agreement and clause problems in “if local vendor can fulfill they might able to grab.” Punctuation and sentence boundaries also need attention, particularly in the long family example, where clauses run together. Practise articles, consistent tense, subject–verb agreement and complete conditional clauses, then check punctuation to make complex sentences easier to follow.

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