Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-29

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

From few years, peole tend to do shopping in well designed locations instead of randam stores, so poor saler had to close their destination ehere they were sell their products. Although having multi-complex malls are signed to be developed area, but small business also provide and illustrates heritage and local custom through their items.

Commencing with the most appropriate reasons why the availability of only gaint shopping centres are monotonous for our future generations, the first and foremost is that losing a custom things which tends towards the lost of traditional thinking approach. western clothing style is taken as an example, the majority of the big mall and showrooms, they sell only branded clothes which are linked to western culture. that's prove that people have limited availability in the case of heritage goods. Apart from this, they have monopoly on the market, so just rich people can decide or fix the price of local supplies.

nevertheless, the fruitful outcomes is occured by having the well-known locations specially in megapolitic areas .

In the conclusion, I want to restate that public perfer to travel in large places such as city malls and shopping centres, it results in the shutdowning of small or poor shops.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You take a broadly negative view, arguing that malls can weaken access to local heritage and allow large retailers to dominate prices. The example of branded clothing gives some support to the cultural point, so the response is relevant to the question. However, the position is not fully clear: the opening acknowledges malls as a sign of development, and the sentence about their “fruitful outcomes” is not explained or reconciled with the negative conclusion. The effects on small shops and communities are only briefly stated, with little specific development. The response also contains 203 words, below the required 250, which limits the opportunity to explain and support your reasons. Develop a consistent position and add a concrete example and explanation for each main point.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is an attempt to organise the response with an opening, a main paragraph, a contrasting point and a conclusion. Linking expressions such as “Apart from this” and “In the conclusion” help signal relationships between ideas. However, the overall progression is difficult to follow because the positive point about malls appears suddenly and is not connected to the argument that follows. The main paragraph combines cultural loss and market monopoly without clearly separating or developing them, while “nevertheless” introduces an outcome that is not explained. Some references, such as “they” and “that,” are unclear. Use one paragraph for each reason, make the connection between claims explicit, and ensure each linking phrase accurately reflects the relationship between ideas.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You attempt topic-related vocabulary, including “heritage,” “monopoly,” “branded clothes,” and “local supplies,” and some choices show an effort to express more than basic ideas. However, the range is uneven and several inaccurate or unnatural expressions make the message harder to understand, such as “poor saler,” “custom things,” “monotonous for our future generations,” and “megapolitic areas.” Spelling errors, including “peole,” “randam,” and “perfer,” also reduce clarity. Some phrases appear to be direct translations rather than natural English collocations. Build a reliable set of expressions for local businesses and shopping, and check spelling and word forms carefully. More precise vocabulary would help communicate your ideas without changing their intended meaning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt some complex sentence forms, including the opening sentence with “so” and the sentence beginning “Although,” as well as a relative clause with “which.” This shows an effort to vary structure. However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors frequently make the meaning difficult to follow. For example, “Although having multi-complex malls are signed to be developed area, but…” combines incompatible structures, while “the fruitful outcomes is occured” has problems with agreement and verb formation. There are also issues with articles, plurals and sentence boundaries, as in “the majority of the big mall and showrooms, they sell…”. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them using one clear subordinate clause or connector at a time.

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