Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 12 · 2026-10-30

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.0)

Nowadays, the people wanted to visit and travel abroad for the large shopping centres or malls. I believe there is a negative development to effects the local shop business.

Many consumers bought the expensive and brands items. Moreover, there is items without in a local shop but there is in another country. For example, the latest Iphone 18 not available in the phillipines. Because of this I need to travel to singapore to bought one. Furthermore, I need to spend money to buy a flight ticket and also spend more time to travel.

People looking forward for a cheaper price. However, the local shops there are expensive and they are not make a promotion prices. Since the customers wanted the low price they are deciding to go another places such as thailand. For example, Last week I saw my auntie's luxury bag and she bought only for $20 in thailand. That kind of bag and the price I never find here in philippines. Because of this, there is many small local shops have closed because of the prices and the quality of there items.

In my conclusion, the local shop is convenient but it is costly and low quality. However, some poor people choose the local shop especially they are not afford to travel. The large shopping centres or malls there are high quality and a low pricey. Some people choose to travel because they have another agenda likes they want to visit the other tuorist spot.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You give a clear negative view in the opening and return to the effects on local shops, so the response addresses the central question. The examples about travelling to Singapore for an iPhone and your aunt buying a bag in Thailand make the discussion more concrete. However, the argument is only partly developed: the first example focuses on overseas travel and product availability rather than explaining directly how mall shopping causes local shops to close. The conclusion also introduces convenience, affordability, quality, and tourism without resolving how these points support your position. The response is three words below the required minimum, so it does not meet the task’s length requirement. Develop the effects on local businesses and communities more fully, and make the conclusion consistent with your main argument.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a basic paragraph structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Connectors such as “Moreover,” “Furthermore,” and “However” show attempts to link ideas, and the examples are placed near the points they illustrate. However, progression is not always clear. The first body paragraph shifts from shopping centres to travelling abroad, while the second moves between low prices, local shop quality, and closures without clearly showing the links. Some transitions, including “Because of this,” are repeated or do not make the cause-and-effect relationship clear. The conclusion adds several new points rather than bringing the argument together. Organise each paragraph around one main reason and use clearer references to connect each example to that reason.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “shopping centres,” “local shops,” “customers,” “quality,” and “promotion prices,” and the examples communicate your general meaning. However, the range is limited, and several word choices or combinations are unnatural or unclear, such as “expensive and brands items,” “low pricey,” and “another agenda.” Spelling errors in “phillipines” and “tuorist” also reduce accuracy. These issues sometimes make the reader pause to interpret your meaning. Build a more precise set of phrases for discussing retail and business, and check spelling and collocations. For instance, describe products as “branded goods,” prices as “lower” or “more affordable,” and local businesses as “struggling to compete.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt some longer sentences and use basic structures to express reasons and examples, including “Because of this I need to travel to singapore to bought one.” However, the range is limited, and errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence construction occur frequently enough to make parts difficult to follow. Examples include “the people wanted,” “to bought,” “they are not make,” and “there is many small local shops.” Some sentence fragments, such as “Because of this” followed by a separate sentence, also weaken control. Practise forming complete sentences with accurate subject–verb agreement and verb patterns: for example, “I had to travel to Singapore to buy one.” Use a few controlled complex sentences to explain cause and effect.

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