Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-08-29

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

I would like to argue about the current ongoing trend of online shopping. People are feeling comfortable with online shopping because it is convenient to do during their busy work routine and lifestyle. I also like online shopping, but some drawbacks also need to be considered. E-commerce is growing day by day, but on the other hand affecting the owners of all shops in towns and cities. I agree that online shopping adoption is increasing and affecting the shops' business in the cities.

The owners of the shops have concerns, as their customer numbers in their shops have been reduced by up to 50%. This is a growing risk of job loss in the youth community.

For instance, a large number of young adults are working in the shops as salespeople. High numbers of students are also work their as part-time jobs because they are allowed to do so for up to 20 hours a week. My concern is the potential job loss of young community members.

My 23-year-old brother is studying at the university, and for living expenses, he worked in a shop which is nearest to our home. During the last weekend, during a friendly conversation at the dining table, he mentioned to me that the current ongoing trend of online shopping has reduced sales in the shop, and the owner is suffering from financial loss. He is considering closing some tills, resulting in some salespersons will lose the job.

In conclusion, the government need to consider introducing some programmes for the youth for the training of the e-commerce business. This will help counter the risk of job loss among the youth.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The response addresses the prompt but lacks a balanced discussion. While you clearly state your agreement, the essay focuses almost exclusively on the negative impact of job losses for youth, rather than exploring the broader argument of whether all shops will eventually close. The task requires a more comprehensive analysis of the future of physical retail. The ideas are somewhat repetitive, focusing heavily on your brother's personal experience rather than broader societal or economic trends. To improve, ensure you address the 'all shops' aspect more critically and provide a more balanced view of the future of retail, rather than focusing solely on one specific consequence.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow your argument. However, the progression of ideas is somewhat mechanical. You rely on simple transitions like 'For instance' and 'In conclusion', but the internal flow between sentences is occasionally disjointed. For example, the transition from the general statement about youth employment to your brother's specific situation is a bit abrupt. Using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as 'consequently', 'furthermore', or 'in light of this', would help create a smoother logical flow between your points and improve the overall structure of your argument.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

Your vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing you to communicate your ideas clearly. You use some topic-specific terms like 'e-commerce', 'financial loss', and 'salespeople'. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there is a tendency to repeat words like 'shops' and 'online shopping' frequently. To reach a higher band, try to incorporate more sophisticated synonyms and collocations related to the retail industry and economic shifts. For instance, instead of repeating 'shops', you could use 'brick-and-mortar establishments' or 'physical retail outlets' to demonstrate a more varied and precise vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several recurring grammatical errors. For example, 'High numbers of students are also work their as part-time jobs' contains errors in verb form and word choice ('work' should be 'working', 'their' should be 'there'). Additionally, 'resulting in some salespersons will lose the job' is grammatically incorrect; it should be 'resulting in some salespersons losing their jobs'. While these errors do not prevent the reader from understanding your meaning, they occur frequently enough to impact the overall fluency and accuracy of your writing.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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