Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-11-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Some individual belive that is having a lot of money it give them joy. It good resoning because money can do all thing.

Firstly, adage say that money answer to many things in life. because, without having money you do what will make you happy. for example, you want to studies to become a doctor, and cash is the problem, I can tells you that you will not be happy. such plan will be gone compelely.

Secondly, To have money you see more to the world, people will recongised you in whwer you go to. you will be every happy. for exampl, there is party, I support to went to last week but, money did not allow do clothe that I want ware so, I cancell the party and it make me sad that I was crying because the party is important to me.

Lastly, the issue of money is very important is somebody life, for example, during the scarcity of cash, even the people that have in the bank can access to it. And a lot of people die during that time so, I can tell you that money is very impointant in people life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You address the question by explaining that money can help people pursue education and attend social events, and you give personal examples, such as being unable to buy clothes for a party. However, the response focuses almost entirely on money and does not explain other sources of happiness, which is a central part of the task. The point about people dying during a cash shortage is also not clearly connected to happiness. Your ideas are therefore limited and only partly developed. The response is 196 words, below the required 250, so there is not enough space to develop both parts of the question. To improve, explain at least two non-financial sources of happiness, such as relationships or good health, and support each point with a clear example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a basic paragraph structure, and signposts such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” and “Lastly” make the sequence of points visible. The examples also generally follow the claims they are intended to support. However, there is no clear overall progression: all three body paragraphs return to the importance of money, and the second part of the question is not given its own place. Some links are awkward or unclear, particularly “because, without having money you do what will make you happy” and the transition from the party example to the cash-scarcity point. Several sentences run together, while full stops and commas are used inconsistently. Organise the essay around the two questions, use clearer links between claim and example, and separate complete ideas into sentences.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some relevant vocabulary, including “adage,” “doctor,” “recognised,” “scarcity,” and “access,” and the reader can usually identify your main topic. However, the range is basic and several word choices, forms, and spellings make meaning difficult to follow. For example, “money answer to many things” is not a natural expression, while “you will be every happy” and “I support to went” are unclear. There are also frequent spelling errors, including “belive,” “compelely,” “recongised,” and “impointant.” These issues sometimes strain the reader’s understanding. Build a bank of accurate collocations for discussing happiness and finances, and check spelling and word forms carefully before submitting.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt a few longer sentences, including the example about studying to become a doctor, and use basic connectors to organise your points. However, the range of sentence structures is very limited, and errors occur frequently in clauses, verb forms, agreement, and punctuation. For instance, “Some individual belive that is having a lot of money it give them joy” has an unclear clause structure and incorrect agreement; “you want to studies” uses the wrong verb form; and “I can tells you” has incorrect agreement. The sentence beginning “Firstly, adage say” also contains a sentence fragment after the full stop before “because.” Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with clauses using “because,” “when,” and “although.”

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