Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-08-18
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Student answer (Band 6.0)
It is true that having a lot of money makes people feel happy. However, self-esteem needs cannot be fulfilled with money. Although people can felt joy with stable financial conditions, but it does not fulfill their self- actualization needs which will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
On the one hand, individuals might feel delighted with a lot of money in order to acquire materialistic things around the world. In other words, they can buy anything expensive easily because of having enough money. For example, it is fact that rich children are more happier than the poor ones because they experience luxury life with money. Consequently, financial factors matters somehow in residents lives to be happy.
On the other hand, rich group of society wants to fulfill their esteem needs over money. To elaborate, they want self- respect, autonomy, and higher status in the society. Additionally, there are many people in the world who wants respect from others to get happy. For instance, according to Maslow's theory, some individuals wants to attain actualization needs which means they want to be at the top of their career field. They want to be perfect in their work to feel joy. As a result, happiness cannot be brought with a piece of paper, it can be in any form.
To conclude, many people require money in this modern age in order to fulfill their needs whilst other prefer emotional happiness. Therefore, both aspects have their own perspectives but ends up to be happy in their life.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 6.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 6.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 6.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0
The response addresses both parts of the prompt: how money contributes to happiness and what other factors are important. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention Maslow's theory, the explanation of 'self-actualization' is a bit superficial and repetitive. The argument that 'rich children are more happier' is a generalization that lacks nuance. To improve, ensure that your supporting points are fully explored with more concrete examples or deeper reasoning. You have a clear position, but the depth of analysis needs to be more consistent throughout the essay to reach a higher band.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5
The essay is organized into logical paragraphs with a clear introduction and conclusion. You use some cohesive devices like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'Consequently' to guide the reader. However, some transitions feel a bit mechanical or forced. For example, the link between the introduction and the first body paragraph could be smoother. Additionally, there are some minor issues with referencing and flow, such as the phrase 'it can be in any form' at the end of the second body paragraph, which is slightly vague and does not clearly connect back to the preceding argument.
Lexical Resource — Band 6.0
You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, including terms like 'materialistic', 'financial conditions', and 'self-actualization'. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as 'rich group of society' (better: 'the wealthy') and 'residents lives' (better: 'people's lives'). Some phrasing is repetitive, particularly the use of 'happy' and 'happiness'. To improve, try to incorporate more precise synonyms and collocations to express your ideas with greater sophistication and variety.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally distract the reader. Examples include 'Although people can felt joy... but it does not' (double conjunction error), 'rich children are more happier' (incorrect comparative form), and subject-verb agreement issues like 'many people... who wants' and 'some individuals wants'. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are persistent throughout the text. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and avoiding redundant conjunctions will help improve your accuracy.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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