Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-08-24

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Many people believe that money is a tool that gives happiness. but i think that its not only money but also family, our relationships also play an important role. In this essay we will discuss and summarize it following.

On the one hand, money brings happiness. some people want only money for themselves, children, for their family. but although they are not in good relationship with people, with themselves also.

On the other hand, life brings happiness when some child starts to crawl, when someone is gaining a good marks in study, some receive gold medal,some got a job, some got a first salary. there are lot of things in life which help person to make happy. for instance i remember that when i was very happy because i cleared an entrance exam for my further studies. because i remember that i do alot of hardwork for 6 months and now it actually pays off . i was extremely happy at that time because i achieve a goal.

furthermore it depends on person how they react to something, how they want to enjoy when achieve something. another example is that a child who is very happy about the birthday because he or she is exciting about cutting the cake.

In conclusion, in my opinion money bring happiness. but i think people are more happy with their achievements, relationships, family, goals. Money is a way of living and eating. a person cant survive without money, while a person can be happy with the people, togetherness.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The response addresses both parts of the prompt: how money contributes to happiness and other sources of happiness. However, the development is somewhat superficial. While you mention that money is a 'tool' and provides for basic needs, the explanation lacks depth. The section on other sources of happiness relies on a list of examples (crawling, exams, birthdays) rather than exploring the underlying concepts of personal fulfillment or social connection. To reach a higher band, you should expand on your ideas by explaining the 'why' behind your examples, rather than just listing them. The position is clear, but the overall argument could be more cohesive and thoroughly supported.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or repetitive (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'furthermore'). Some transitions are missing or awkward, such as the opening sentence 'In this essay we will discuss and summarize it following', which is unnecessary and slightly confusing. Referencing is occasionally unclear, particularly in the second paragraph where the connection between money and relationships is abrupt. Improving the flow between sentences using a wider variety of linking words would significantly enhance the coherence of your writing.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision and variety required for a higher band. You rely on basic terms like 'good marks', 'lot of things', and 'happy'. There are also some word-choice errors, such as 'exciting about cutting the cake' (should be 'excited'). While you attempt to use some topic-specific vocabulary, the range is limited. To improve, try to incorporate more sophisticated synonyms and collocations related to the topic of happiness and financial well-being, and ensure that your word forms are used correctly in context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally impede readability. Issues include inconsistent verb tenses (e.g., 'I remember that when I was very happy because I cleared'), missing articles, and subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'money bring happiness'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with several instances of missing capital letters at the start of sentences and incorrect comma usage. While the meaning is generally clear, the high frequency of these errors prevents the essay from reaching a higher band. Focus on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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