Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-08-31

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Although It is true people can buy anything if they have money and it will make them happy, there are considerable number of other things than money that brings happiness in people’s lives. This essay will discuss both whether money is only way to bring happiness in life or there is other things as well in the subsequent segments.

Commencing with the first viewpoint, why money has indispensables role in people’s lives. The most prominent one is that people can purchase everything that will make them happy. To explain it, nowadays, people need money in every fields such as education, entertainment, healthcare system, transportation and so on. They can only afford all these services if they have funds.Consequently, allocating cash on these services brings numerous facilities that facilitate them to stay happy.

Nevertheless, there are still few things in the world that people do not need money to access them. To initiates it, by sharing positive energy around people and it will assist people to build a valuable relationship with others which help people to stay with each other in difficult times. Furthermore, the considerable number of people have a busier life . As a result, people do not have time to sit with each other and share feelings with loved ones. It would be great for someone sometimes when people spend time with them rather than providing a money.

To conclude, despite the fact that money is precious as water and air in the present scenario, people cannot forget the importance of emotions and positivity that is totally free for everyone.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: how money contributes to happiness and what other factors are important. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the explanation of how money facilitates happiness is a list of services rather than a deeper exploration of psychological or social benefits. Similarly, the section on non-monetary happiness is slightly vague, focusing on 'positive energy' and 'spending time' without providing concrete, well-developed examples. The position is clear, but the arguments lack the depth required for a higher band score. To improve, you should expand on your points with specific, illustrative examples rather than general statements.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is logically organized into paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas. You use some cohesive devices such as 'Consequently', 'Nevertheless', and 'Furthermore' to link sentences. However, some transitions feel slightly mechanical or forced, such as 'To initiates it', which is grammatically incorrect and awkward. Additionally, the referencing is occasionally unclear; for example, the phrase 'it will assist people' in the third paragraph lacks a clear antecedent. Paragraphing is used appropriately to separate the two main viewpoints, which helps the reader follow the structure of your argument.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks sophistication. You use some repetitive phrasing, such as 'people' and 'money' appearing frequently. There are also some collocation errors and awkward word choices, such as 'indispensables role' (should be 'indispensable role') and 'allocating cash on these services' (should be 'spending money on these services'). While the meaning is generally clear, the lack of precise, varied vocabulary limits the score. To reach a higher band, focus on using more academic collocations and synonyms to avoid repetition and improve the flow of your writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally distract the reader. Examples include 'there are considerable number of other things' (missing an article), 'why money has indispensables role' (incorrect pluralization and article usage), and 'To initiates it' (incorrect verb form). While these errors do not prevent the reader from understanding your message, they are frequent enough to indicate a lack of control over complex structures. Improving your grasp of subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb forms will significantly enhance the accuracy of your writing.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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