Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-09-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Money is crucial in everyone's life. The number of people say that having enormous money solve the number of problems. Some people say that other things are also need to make life happy. In this essay, I will explain the reasons behind this and some examples.

Those people who say that money is essential for happiness because, with sufficient money, people can enjoy a number of things, such as exploring places outside. For example, during the holiday period, people can spend their time with family to watching a movie or going shopping and dining out. Therefore, these small things create a happy dopamine and balancing their life becomes easy.

Other people who say that a handful of money is sufficient because other things can bring happiness into life. To extend it, people can do meditation or read books or go to ritual places, which give them a calm feeling and internal happiness. For instance, if they have insufficient money to explore outside, such as malls, then they can go to a local park and take a walk, which gives them relaxation. Consequently, physical fitness or mental fitness is more important, which they can achieve at no cost. This is a convenient way to bring happiness to the brain.

Overall, although money provides several benefits and secures the future uncertainties. There are a number of other activities which help to bring happiness into life. The most important thing is that individuals become fit mentally and physically, which they can do with convenient methods.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: how money contributes to happiness and alternative sources of happiness. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the explanation of how money creates 'happy dopamine' is vague and lacks depth. While the essay covers the requirements, the arguments are not fully extended or supported with sophisticated reasoning. The position is clear, but the overall development remains at a basic level, which limits the score. To improve, you should provide more detailed examples and explore the underlying reasons for your arguments more thoroughly.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into clear paragraphs, and there is a logical progression of ideas. You use some cohesive devices such as 'For example', 'Therefore', and 'Consequently' to link sentences. However, some transitions feel mechanical, and the referencing is occasionally awkward, such as in the phrase 'Those people who say that money is essential... because, with sufficient money'. The structure is functional, but the flow between ideas could be smoother and more natural. Improving the variety of cohesive devices and ensuring they are used more fluidly would help elevate your score in this criterion.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks range and precision. You rely on repetitive phrasing, such as 'number of people' and 'a number of things'. There are also some unnatural collocations, such as 'enormous money' (should be 'a large amount of money') and 'handful of money'. While the meaning is generally clear, the lack of sophisticated or less common vocabulary prevents a higher score. To improve, focus on learning collocations and using more precise synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the academic tone of your writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors. Examples include 'The number of people say' (should be 'Many people say'), 'other things are also need' (should be 'are also needed'), and 'to watching a movie' (should be 'to watch a movie'). These errors are noticeable and occasionally distract the reader, though they do not fully impede communication. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct verb forms after prepositions, and ensuring that your complex sentences are constructed accurately.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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