Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-10-07

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Some intellectual believe that having a large amount of money is the key to happiness. While financial security can certainly improve people's lives. In my perspective happiness also depends on other factors of life. Both are equally important. My advocacy will be elaborated in the essay, citing relevant examples.

To begin with having lot of money can make people happy, the most significant one is that, it provides financial security and allows people to afford comfortable housing, nutritious food and good healthcare. This is to say, it can reduce the anxiety associate with paying bills or dealing with unexpected expenses. Furthermore, wealthy people have more opportunities to enjoy leisure activities. This means people could eating at restaurants, wearing branded attire, travelling abroad and many more. For instance, a person with high income like businessman may able to travel holiday on regular basis and spend quality time with their friends and family.

On contrary, money is not the only factor that contributes to happiness. To initiate, relationships are with your close family and friends are extremely important. In other words, people need emotional support, companionship and sense of belonging. Moreover, good health is another essential factor for happiness. This is to say, if wealthy individuals may not be happy if they suffer from serious health problem. To illustrate, as per the report of media famous batsman Viral Kohli is really wealthy person but he is suffering from depression due to this problem he is not happy.

To conclude, my advocacy prove that having substantial financial resources can increase happiness by providing security, comfort and enjoyable experience with your near and dear ones, however strong emotional security and healthy body and fitness also important for achieving a happy and fulfilling life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

You address both parts of the question and maintain a clear overall position: money can improve happiness through security and leisure, while relationships and health also matter. The examples of affording healthcare and travel help explain the first point, and the discussion of emotional support adds a relevant alternative. This meets the task well, but the two sides are not developed equally: the non-financial factors are named more than explored, and the example about Virat Kohli is not clearly connected to the claim about depression or happiness. To strengthen the response, explain more precisely how relationships or health contribute to wellbeing and use a clearer, reliable example to support that reasoning. The conclusion restates the main view, though its final contrast could be expressed more clearly.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for the two main perspectives, and a conclusion. The progression from financial security to leisure, then to relationships and health, is generally easy to follow. You also use signposting such as “Furthermore,” “On contrary,” and “To conclude.” However, some linking phrases feel mechanical or do not accurately express the relationship between ideas; for example, “To initiate” is an awkward transition, and “This is to say” is repeated. The opening sentence fragment beginning “While financial security…” also interrupts the flow. Use fewer formulaic connectors and make the links between claims and explanations more direct. Clearer referencing in the final sentence would also improve cohesion.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You show an adequate range for the topic, including relevant expressions such as “financial security,” “emotional support,” “sense of belonging,” and “fulfilling life.” There are also attempts to use less common or formal vocabulary, but several choices are inaccurate or unnatural, which limits precision: “Some intellectual” does not fit the intended meaning, “my advocacy” is unsuitable for presenting an opinion, and “branded attire” sounds unnatural in this context. Phrases such as “near and dear ones” are also less appropriate for an academic essay. Aim for natural collocations and precise word forms rather than overly formal wording. These issues do not prevent the reader from understanding your main ideas, but more consistent control would make the argument clearer and more fluent.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and complex sentence forms, including clauses introduced by “While,” “if,” and “that,” and the overall meaning is usually understandable. However, some grammatical errors remain across the response. The opening has a sentence fragment: “While financial security can certainly improve people's lives.” In “having lot of money,” an article is missing, while “people could eating” and “may able to travel” have incorrect verb forms. There are also problems with sentence construction in “relationships are with your close family and friends” and “if wealthy individuals may not be happy.” Review articles, modal verb patterns, and clause structure, then proofread each sentence for a complete subject–verb structure. Greater accuracy in these areas would make your complex ideas easier to follow.

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