Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-10-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It is argued widely that abundance of money assserts happiness.It is vital to enquire in which way wealth can guarantee the real bliss.There are certainly other aspects which actually make people much satisfied and happier too.

It is believed from old times in this materialistic world that having lots of money ensures the happiness. If we see this insight from broader view then it is true to some extent,for instance,you don't have to worry about basic necessaties of life like food,clothing and accommodation. People feels relaxed when everything is in their reach in terms of expenditure.They can order or purchase costly products whenever and whatever they want. Rich people can travel to different recreational places not only inside their country but also to abroad to enjoy the nature's attractive places particularly in their lesiure times. With money anyone can get the best healthcare facilities in any hospital of the world which make them rely on their wealth.As the prime minister of a famous state is getting his oncological treatment from a well renowned and world'best hodpital.

However,there are so many other things which are really important for leading a blissful life as money can't buy everything such as true friends and family. Firstly,human is a social animal who is unable to survive alone. He is always in need of true relationships which are earned by honesty and truth not by materials or bank balance. Secondly,for true successful and joyous life one has to be liberal in thoughts and that can only be achieved by keen observation and reading the books having excellent content,making the reader more and more thoughtful. Lastly,people enjoy helping others,giving charities and seeing smiles on others faces.

To sum up,some people believe that money is solely responsible for happy life.In my view there are other valuable things without which the concept of jubiliation is incomplete.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

The response addresses both parts of the question: it explains how money can provide security, access to healthcare, purchases and travel, then identifies relationships, reading and helping others as other sources of happiness. Your position is clear in the conclusion, where you argue that money is not solely responsible for happiness. The examples about basic needs and treatment help make the first part relevant, although the reference to a prime minister’s cancer treatment is not explained enough to show how it supports the point. Some ideas in the second part, especially reading and charitable giving, are listed rather than developed. Explain more fully how these experiences contribute to lasting happiness and add a specific example to strengthen the discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay has a clear overall structure: an introduction, a paragraph about the benefits of money, a paragraph about other sources of happiness, and a conclusion. Sequencing expressions such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” “Lastly,” and “To sum up” help readers follow the main points. However, the linking can feel mechanical because several ideas are introduced through a list, and some connections between sentences are abrupt. For example, the discussion of healthcare moves directly to the prime minister’s treatment without explaining the link. The opening also repeats the idea that money ensures happiness before the essay develops it. Use more varied transitions and make the relationship between each example and its main point explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You attempt a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “basic necessities,” “healthcare facilities,” “true relationships,” and “liberal in thoughts.” These choices show an effort to express ideas beyond very basic language. However, several inaccurate or unnatural expressions reduce precision, such as “abundance of money assserts happiness,” “much satisfied,” and “to abroad.” There are also spelling errors, including “necessaties,” “lesiure,” and “jubiliation,” which make the writing less polished. Some phrases, such as “the nature’s attractive places,” are difficult to interpret naturally. Aim for accurate, conventional collocations and check spelling carefully; precise everyday vocabulary is more effective than ambitious wording used inaccurately.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

The response includes both simple sentences and attempts at more complex structures, such as “when everything is in their reach” and “which are earned by honesty and truth.” This gives some variety, and the main ideas are generally understandable. However, some grammatical errors remain in sentence construction, agreement, articles and punctuation. For example, “People feels relaxed” has a subject–verb agreement error, while “which make them rely on their wealth” does not agree with its intended subject. Several sentences run together without appropriate spacing or punctuation, particularly in the paragraph about money. Review agreement and sentence boundaries, and proofread articles and clause structure so that complex sentences remain clear.

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