Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-10-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowadays people are well educated so they want to earn money to make for full fill desire , so they doing work under pressure .money is not importnat role in lif .i think happy life is more crucial these days.I am writing this esaay to exaplain both pragraphs with my opions.

To begin with, These days work is important in everyone life without work life is hell if person not earning money because of without money masses cannot servive in the life. Firstly, happy life is important but full of desire from life people take stress in the life so they get irritate all the time .More important rule is life is happy with salary and make happy life style so people earn well in the society.Lastly,some young think about money is important rule they can buy anyting in the life but they cannot get happiness for example , helath issue and stress .

On the other hand,younone dont want to depend on the family they earn well they give them happy life style they doing job another city and country, sometimes they miss thier family too but they not come home early long distance breakdown but money is not emotion and felling also imporant in the life.Futhermore,if persons have lot of money they have lots of stress to related thier under work . For Examplelot of stress realted empolyee and reagrding job.

My Opion is happy life is happy family and friends not money if we have earn well get good food on the time and family heality that people happy.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You give a relevant overall view: money can provide a comfortable lifestyle, but family and friends matter more for happiness. You also attempt to address both questions, mentioning that money helps people buy things and support themselves, while health, stress and relationships affect wellbeing. However, the discussion is only partial and several points are difficult to follow or remain undeveloped. For example, the idea that money enables people to “buy anything” is not explained with a clear example of how this creates happiness, and the point about working far from family is not fully connected to the question. State your position clearly in the introduction, then develop each answer with a specific reason and example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is some basic organisation: an opening paragraph, two body paragraphs signalled by “To begin with” and “On the other hand,” and a concluding opinion. These markers show an attempt to guide the reader. However, the progression within paragraphs is often unclear, and several ideas are placed together without explaining their relationship. The first body paragraph moves from work and earning money to stress and health, while the second shifts between independence, distance from family and workplace stress. Some linking phrases, such as “Firstly,” “Lastly” and “Furthermore,” are used mechanically rather than to show a precise connection. Group related points, use clearer topic sentences, and add linking explanations so each paragraph develops one main idea.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “under pressure,” “salary,” “stress,” “family” and “health issue.” This gives the response some topic coverage, but the range is limited and many word choices, forms and spellings make meaning difficult to understand. Phrases such as “full of desire from life,” “happy life style” and “breakdown” do not express the intended ideas clearly, while errors such as “servive,” “imporant” and “empolyee” are noticeable. Build a reliable set of expressions for discussing income, wellbeing and relationships, and check spelling and collocations. For instance, explain that money can provide financial security or access to healthcare, rather than relying on unclear phrases.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You try to form longer sentences and use clauses with “because,” “if” and “but,” as in “if person not earning money” and “if we have earn well.” However, these attempts are often faulty, and sentence boundaries are frequently unclear. There are repeated problems with verb forms, missing subjects and articles, and agreement: “they doing work,” “people take stress,” and “if persons have lot of money” need more accurate structures. Punctuation and capitalisation also make some sentences harder to follow. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with one clear subordinate clause. For example: “People who earn enough can afford healthcare, which may reduce financial stress.”

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