Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-10-30

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Nowadays, certain individuals ague that, making lot of money attract happiness. While few are asking, how would money be attracted to happiness? And, what else can make humans happy. Money could contribute to happiness, but not the whole source of money. This essay will concentrate on other things that create happiness besides money, examples are good relationship, personal growth and peace of mind.

Firstly, keeping a good relationship with your family members, your friends and colleagues would contibute to your happiness in life, even if you are financially broke. For instance, before I got employed, I had no money, but my family and friends expressed so much love that is still in my memories. I spent quality time with them, but immediately I got employed, my busy work schedules created distance between us.

Secondly, carreer growth is another way of staying accomplished in life. When we set goals and plan towards achieving these goals, the end result creates lasting happiness that speaks louder than having lot of money. Recently, I had a personal development training that took me a year of studying, I spent good money on this course, but my happiness for successfuly completed it, was attached to the achievement, not the cost.

Finally, a man with a peaceful mind is a healthy man. money cannot buy peace of mind. The amount of money you accumulate cannot give you a complete healthy mind. I recently watched a documentary, where they listed the names of all the richest men in the would that died from mental disorder.

Conclusively, I always ensure that, my happiness is not tied to how much wealth I accumulate. But I consciously monitor my relationship with people, my personal growth and peace of mind. From the essay above, the advantages of personal growth, peace of mind in being happy outweighs happiness that is attracted to making lot of money.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both parts of the question: you acknowledge that money can contribute to happiness, then discuss relationships, career development and peace of mind. The personal examples about receiving support before employment and completing a training course make the response relevant. However, the first part—how having a lot of money might make people happy—is only briefly recognised and not explained. The essay mainly argues that other factors matter more, so the response is partial rather than fully balanced. Some ideas also need clearer development: for example, the documentary reference about wealthy people and mental disorders is not explained or connected convincingly to the claim that money cannot provide peace of mind. Explain specific benefits of wealth, such as security or access to opportunities, and develop each example more clearly.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall arrangement: an introduction, three body paragraphs and a conclusion. Sequencing words such as “Firstly,” “Secondly” and “Finally” make the progression easy to follow, and each body paragraph focuses on a distinct source of happiness. This meets the lower-band expectation of coherent organisation and shows some of the stronger control associated with a higher level. However, connections are occasionally mechanical, and some references are unclear. For instance, “not the whole source of money” does not clearly express the intended contrast, while “From the essay above” is an awkward link into the conclusion. The opening questions also interrupt the flow rather than establishing a direct position. Use clearer transitions between the money argument and the other sources of happiness, and make references such as “this” or “it” unambiguous.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “quality time,” “personal development,” “peace of mind” and “financially broke.” These phrases help communicate the main ideas, and there are attempts at more specific language such as “career growth” and “lasting happiness.” However, the range is limited by repeated use of “happiness,” “money” and “good,” and several word-choice or collocation problems make parts of the message less natural. Examples include “money would be attracted to happiness,” “staying accomplished” and “happiness that is attracted to making lot of money.” Spelling errors such as “ague,” “contibute,” “carreer” and “successfuly” are also noticeable. Build a wider set of natural expressions for financial security, achievement and emotional wellbeing, and check spelling and collocations carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mixture of simple and complex sentences, including conditional and subordinate structures: “even if you are financially broke” and “When we set goals and plan towards achieving these goals.” This gives the response some variety, and the main ideas are generally understandable. However, errors occur across sentence structures, articles, agreement and punctuation, and some complex attempts are faulty. For example, “While few are asking, how would money be attracted to happiness?” is an awkwardly formed question, and “my happiness for successfully completed it” lacks a clear grammatical structure. There are also problems in “a man with a peaceful mind is a healthy man” when followed by “The amount of money you accumulate cannot give you a complete healthy mind.” Practise forming direct questions and check articles, verb forms and sentence boundaries when editing.

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