Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 14 · 2026-10-31

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

I belive, the money itself does not make people happy. Because I have seen plethora of multimillionaires that are being diagnosed with depression, and some of them even managed to end their lives. It's not all about the money, it is the people that are important to you coupled with money that will give you purpose in life and will make you happy.

I am working as a registered nurse in a hospital. And I have seen a lot patients that are less fortunate that are just being disregarded because they doesn't have money. Then it made me realize something. It is, I won't let my family suffer on the same situation that they experienced. That's why I am going to work hard, and be the best version of myself to make a lot of money. So that by the time that they need to be hospitalized, they will have the treatment that they deserve. I aslo realized that, making a huge amount of money will not have any purpose without them. Because the reason I am doing all of this work is because I have my family.

That's why I do not really believe that money itself will make you happy. It is just an instrument that you could use, and should be combined with other factors in your life such as your family and friends, or exploring different places. You could also use it to help other individuals, it could also make you happy. I hope other people realize this, that it is not about the money, it is about family.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your position is clear: money can provide security and access to healthcare, but relationships and meaningful activities are also important to happiness. The nursing example supports the first point effectively, especially your concern that your family should receive treatment they deserve. You also address other sources of happiness, including family, friends, travel and helping others. However, the question asks specifically how having a lot of money might make people happy; this is mainly illustrated through healthcare and financial security, while other possible benefits are not explored in much detail. The opening reference to wealthy people experiencing depression is relevant but could be connected more explicitly to your argument. Develop each part with a clearer explanation or example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a coherent overall shape: you introduce your view, explain it through your nursing experience, and conclude by restating the importance of relationships. The personal example gives the middle paragraph a clear focus. Some links between ideas, however, are abrupt or repetitive. For instance, “Then it made me realize something” is followed by a shift from patients’ circumstances to your own family, and “That’s why” is used to begin both the final body paragraph and the conclusion. The repeated emphasis that money alone cannot bring happiness also limits progression. Use clearer transitions to show how financial security supports wellbeing, then distinguish this from the happiness provided by relationships and helping others.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range for the topic, including “multimillionaires,” “depression,” “registered nurse,” “treatment,” and “instrument,” and your meaning is generally clear. There are also attempts at more expressive phrasing, such as “the best version of myself” and “the treatment that they deserve.” However, some word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, including “a lot patients,” “on the same situation,” and “a huge amount of money.” Spelling slips such as “belive” and “aslo” also reduce accuracy. Aim for more precise, natural combinations and proofread carefully; this would make your vocabulary more controlled while preserving the personal tone.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex structures, including the contrast in “money itself does not make people happy” and the conditional idea “by the time that they need to be hospitalized.” Your main points remain understandable, but some grammatical errors recur. For example, “they doesn't have money” has incorrect subject–verb agreement, and “I have seen a lot patients” is missing an article or quantifier structure. “Because I have seen…” is a sentence fragment, as is “So that by the time…”; these could be joined to the preceding sentences. Review agreement, articles and sentence boundaries, and vary how you connect clauses. More consistently accurate complex sentences would strengthen control.

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